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Pearls Before Swine Angry Blogger

9 Comments

Robb Expounded Thusly:

Man, I know how that blogging ram/pig thing feels. This cartoon makes me want to throttle the mouse too.

Of course, when I say “throttle the mouse” it’s strictly a Euphemism.

Maybe that’s why nobody comments on my bog?

Monday, June 19th, 2006 • 9:24am • Permalink

Steve Expounded Thusly:

Yes. “Euphamism.” Yes.

Of course.

Thank you for your commment. Perv.

Monday, June 19th, 2006 • 11:54am • Permalink

The Lady From the Video Expounded Thusly:

Just because we’re not commenting doesn’t mean we’re not reading. Maybe we have nothing to say because you say it all so eloquently already. I am a crazy lady. You mock me and you are going to hell. Everyone is going to hell except me. God only loves me. And he doesn’t really even love me that much, just a little. Well, not really at all.

Tuesday, June 20th, 2006 • 7:03pm • Permalink

Steve Expounded Thusly:

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Well, thank you very much for the nice compliment regarding eloquency. But I did indeed laugh! I also laughed at you because you are going to hell. I can already smell the sulfur.

Thanks for writing.

Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 • 10:43am • Permalink

The Lady from the Video Expounded Thusly:

Don’t thank me for writing you sassy little queer, thank me for not coming to CaliFORNICATE and kicking your little ass the way God thinks all little asses that aren’t mine should be kicked. I ain’t going to hell, you’re going to hell because God loves ME and there is only room enough in heaven for the two of us and Pat Robertson and Rock Hudson but before he turned queer when he was studly and manly and would take me from behind and …

Forget it. That’s between me and MY God. My righteous God of anger who HATES bloggers because they’re going to BURN IN HELL for blogging.

Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 • 8:20pm • Permalink

Steve Expounded Thusly:

I will thank you for writing, mystery guest (in quotes), because it’s up to us atheists to take up the slack in manners and morality when you religious crackpots fall short. So thank you! And if you thought Rock Hudson was a hottie, what about John Wayne?

Actually, never mind. That’s making me shiver.

Go with God, my sweet sheep! Lamb! Wahtever Jesus calls you! Sleep a peaceful sleep, where fairies don’t come visit you in the night and you have no one to fix your Audi! (It’s a well-known fact that 85% of Audi mechanics are gay.)

Wednesday, June 21st, 2006 • 11:21pm • Permalink

The Lady Who God Loves Expounded Thusly:

John Wayne is burning in hell because he fought for a godless country. Don’t you listen to ANYTHING I say?????

I am a lamb. A sweet, luscious lamb adored by God and Jesus. They hate you. They hate EVERYONE except me. And that woman on TV? They hate that bitch more than anyone. Except Tori Spelling. They might hate Tori Spelling more, but they have a little tiny bit of pity on that horseface now that her father is dead and burning in hell with the 700 billion other people down there. And yet, that seat by the right hand of God in heaven is saved for me.

I wonder if I should try to get God to love my hairstylist, too, though? I am worried that God doesn’t have a hair crimper, and no one crimps my hair like LeVon. He’s a faggot, too, a big flaming nelly queer, but I guess I can make an exception in his ONE case because of who he is and what he can do to my hair.

But I AIN’T MAKIN’ NO MORE EXCEPTIONS!

Sunday, June 25th, 2006 • 2:23pm • Permalink

Steve Expounded Thusly:

I hear Jesus is pretty good with a crimper. Really, I wouldn’t worry. After all, his dad, who is also he, created the crimper, didn’t he? Or, at least, he inspired someone to create it through divine brain manipulation, right? Maybe once you get to the only seat in heaven, the one saved specifically for you, God’s favorite whelp, you’ll discover that all you’ll ever have to do is think of something you want, and POOF! it will happen. Er, though maybe without the POOF! because we all know that’s SOOOOO gay. You can sit on your little Pet of The Almighty throne, think, “I wish the butt-plugging fagots of the world would all burn in a fire of my own creation rather than me having to wait for them all to die in the Rapture,” and POO&#822, er, ALAKAZAM! Er, too Islamic. BOOM! Yes, and BOOM! And we would all perish in a sulfuric flame of your passionate hatred. Won’t that be fun for you? Then, with God feeding you scraps from his table of everlasting and bountiful plenty, and Jesus on a barstool beside you, crimping your hair, you’ll be in the most blissful state of happiness ever conceived of by man (via God’s divine brain manipulation) as you look down on an Earth empty of the one thing that makes it the piece of heathenistic garbage it is: Other people!

Tuesday, June 27th, 2006 • 1:14am • Permalink

Jen Expounded Thusly:

Tori Spelling is a mean bitch. She’s ugly as hell all Dean wants is her money. She can’t act and looks likea transvestite. I think a transvitite would look better personally. Daddy got her on his show or nobody would have hired her!

Saturday, July 15th, 2006 • 3:08pm • Permalink

 

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