"Troy" sucks. How can I say that more concisely? "Troy" is monkey poop. Although I must say I laughed quite a lot during the movie, particularly when Hector says to his wife, "If I die, do you remember what I told you?" That’s not so funny in and of itself (although the way Eric Bana delivers the line is amusing) — what had me laughing is that the film is so bad I kept adding my own "MST3K" lines (only in my head, of course), and I heard his wife answering, "Of course I remember: ‘Righty tighty, lefty loosy.’"

That pretty much seems the most important thing anyone can say before they die, anyway.