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How is it I dated this guy and never saw his dark, cruel side? Well, time for my dark, cruel side. I’m gonna post the e-mails. Hang on!

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On Jun 8, 2005, at 10:29 PM, Van wrote:


Hey. I’ve really tried to be good about this, but I can’t. Volleyball for the last two years has been sort of a form of therapy for me, a way to just relax and enjoy and be myself. After our break up it was a way for me to connect with other gay men and sort of find my place in the gay community. And I know it might be juvenile, but your showing up has honesty interfered with my enjoyment of it primarily because when I said my goodbyes to you two Februarys ago, I had meant it as a goodbye, and I thought that you would respect that decision.

I know that I don’t own the groups and that I don’t have the right to disinvite you to either day, but out of any semblance of respect for me and what we had gone through, I would ask that you pick Wednesday or Sunday, whichever you prefer. And I’ll play on the alternate day.


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On Jun 9, 2005, at 5:10 PM, Steve Lekowicz wrote:

Hey there.

I’m sorry, Van, but I can not choose a day. You know I am rarely able to make Wednesdays, so feel free to make that your night. I’ll be going on Sundays as often as possible. I can not promise I’ll never show up on Wednesday again.

Out of a semblance of respect–actually out of ACTUAL respect–I have stayed out of your life as best I can. I have respected your decision to tell me good-bye. The only reason I’ve been chatty as of late is that you seemed open to a bit of cordiality. Ignoring each other entirely at the beach seemed silly to me. And your e-mail reply to me in December sounded friendly, as if we could at least be polite to and sociable with each other though we would not be friends again. In case that friendliness to me has been a front, I’ll be sure to not talk to you from now on.

I love volleyball as much as anyone there, even if my skills are lacking. I think it’s a form of therapy for us all. If my being there is disruptive to you, that is an issue for you to work out, not me. I can help you no more than I have to keep physical distance between us. If I do show up a couple Wednesdays this summer, I can try to bow out of any after-game trips to Marix. I have a feeling that was what got to you last night, and since it’s volleyball I love, I can perhaps forego the dinner afterwards. Again, no promises, but that is all I can offer.


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On June 9, 2005, at 11:42 PM, Van wrote:

Actually, this doesn’t come as a surprise to me. So I’m just going to lay it out on the line here: as far as the “out of ACTUAL respect” and staying out of my life, the fact that you’ve showed up initially to Sunday and now on Wednesday, we both know that the “best” you have to offer as far as staying out of my life is bullshit. So show up to both days if you like, so long as you know where I stand. Yes, out of my typical attempt to stay away from conflict, I played nice just so things didn’t get ugly, but you should know that by now considering I was always more than cordial to people despite my true feelings.

So like I said show up to whatever and whenever you want, just know that honestly I don’t really want to have anything to do with you, so don’t approach me…and it wasn’t JUST Marix, the annoyance definitely began when I first noticed that yes you showed up on a Wednesday as well.

Yes, it’s harsh, but this way there’s no room for misinterpretation…again.


1 Comment

The Wren Forum » Van Conversion Expounded Thusly:

[…] After posting the full e-mail exchange between Van and I—something that was not exactly in the best of taste—it is only fair for me to say that he has sent a follow-up that is much more level-headed and not at all immature. I will not post that here because it is more personal. […]

Tuesday, November 8th, 2005 • 6:36pm • Permalink • This is a Pingback


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