This is Amelia. Amelia Satterthwaite Ward. I have been incredibly remiss in not announcing her existence earlier.

Amelia is a brand new person who is not exactly “owned” by my friends Greg and Lisa but who will probably feel that way in about 14 or 15 years. She’ll certainly have some kind of issue with that middle name until she’s in her 30s and can appreciate her parents and the history that name represents. (What is the story of Satterthwaite, anyway, you two?)

I have known Greg since 7th grade. He is one of those people whom, while I do not communicate with him all that often, I consider one of my very best friends. When I mentioned staying up until dawn “playing Halo 2 on the Xbox or talking religion with people I’ve known since junior high,” Greg is one of the guys I was talking about. I usually only get to see him when we’re both visiting Colorado. (See exhibits A and G. Exhibits B through F removed for lack of relevance.)

Thankfully, Greg married an awesome person who I have loved getting to know bit by bit over the years. She and he both live in Atlanta now, something which I think they both are so very way over.

Now, Greg and Lisa have joined the burgeoning tide of people having babies. While one part of my brain can not believe Greg has a kid now, the other part knows this girl is in for the time of her life. She is bound to grow up enjoying the nuances of Mountain Dew, will always recycle the can it comes in, and will certainly have a future kicking my ass at Halo 5.

This is my public, hearty congrats to Greg and Lisa—and Amelia, too. I can not wait to see all you guys at Christmas. I hope my advancing age and bad back are capable of providing the kind of child-friendly entertainment I’m known for once Amelia gets old enough to appreciate it.