After recently complaining that the quality of The Onion has been in decline, I was very happy to see this funny story today:

Bush Grants Self Permission to Grant More Power to Self

There’s still some gold in them thar hills.

Uh, Coinstar, change IS cash.

ADDENDUM: After sending this snapshot from my phone this morning, the Coinstar machine at the Sav-On— er, CVS on Hollywood Way failed to give me the iTunes voucher I’d specifically gone in to get, and instead spat out a cash voucher, minus the annoying fee I specifically tried to avoid by specifically searching for this machine online that specifically doles out iTunes vouchers without that fee.

A deep sigh ensued. Time to embark on another painful voyage through the frowns and drowned dreams that drift like ghosts within the murky and churning waters of American Corporate Customer Service.

“Oh, I’m very sorry. What was the fee? We’ll send you a check for that amount.”

Another deep sigh, this time one of relief. I could not get my iTunes voucher, but that’s okay. The full price of my coins was enough for me. Thanks, nice Coinstar lady.

Now my coins have been turned into CASH! Maybe I’ll donate it to the Coinstar Marketing Department Rudimentary English Useage Education Program.