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As promised, here’s the picture of Steve Jobs:

Steve Jobs at the Walt Disney Studios Senior Summit

(I did the “STUDIOS” lettering on the slide there because it was pretty lousy when I got the graphic… Seeing that and Steve Jobs in the same picture is pretty cool for me.)

I did not post anything on The Forum for so long because I was working production for the BVHE Sales Meeting at the El Capitan theater in Hollywood. It was a nice show. We got to see the original voice of Wendy and Alice, Kathryn Beaumont, in a live, on-stage interview with Leonard Maltin. (I even got to use my “Voice of God” skills to introduce them!) We also had the creator and producer of Grey’s Anatomy on stage to talk and answer questions. We also got to see The Guardian with Messrs. Costner and Kutcher. It was okay.

At the end of the Sales Meeting, we walked away and left our equipment set up, because the very next week was a huge Walt Disney Studios “Senior Summit” that Chuck and I were lucky enough to be asked to work. Since we had the whole A/V set-up in place and we knew how to run it, why not just use both our equipment and our highly-tuned and super mad skillz?

The Senior Summit was much more flashy than anything we puny BVHEans get to do. It was hosted by Dick Cook, the Studio Chairman. There were lots of interesting things to hear and see. We got to watch three movies: The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3D (okay movie, pretty cool 3D); The Prestige (good; very intriguing and mysterious); and Déjà Vu (preposterous). We got to see Jerry Bruckheimer, John Lasseter, Alan Menken, and Amy Adams. John showed us clips from some upcoming Pixar movies. Ratatouille, the next movie to be released, looks fantastic. As one of the techies on the show, I got to see some clips from a robot movie Pixar is working on. In the end, the clips were not shown to the audience, however, so I feel kinda lucky to have seen them.

The night before the second day, we were asked to make a few extra cards for the screen. One said, “…And there’s one more thing.” Well, I knew exactly what that meant, and all night, I was silly-goofy excited that one of the surprise speakers that next day would be Steve Jobs himself. I did not hope too hard, though, because Steve is not one to just pop on down to give a talk to a bunch of executives.

The next day was pretty exciting. Robert Zemeckis came to talk about a “beyond motion capture” technology company he was starting up with Disney. (The technology was used, to creepy effect, in The Polar Express.) Then Johnny Depp came up to chat with Dick and answer questions from the audience. And finally, as I had hoped, Steve Jobs came up on stage.

And boy, did he talk! Not in length, mind you, but in honesty. He pulls no punches. The basic gist of his talk (I do not call it a speech because it was so laid back and casual) was that Disney is the only studio to have a true brand, and we’ve squandered that brand for years. Instead of nurturing it, we’ve abused it. Specifically, he talked about quality, echoing the concepts Dick and John had hammered home the day before. Releasing low-quality sequels to our famous and beloved movies may produce great financial returns in the short run, but in the long run, we bankrupt our savings account.

See, Steve said loyalty to a brand is like a savings account. In the case of a studio, when it releases well-done, smart, story-driven movies that people love, the public makes a deposit into that “loyalty” account. But every crappy movie or sequel after that causes people to make withdrawals from that account.

It was very smart, very TRUE, and I only hope Dick and everyone else in power here makes an honest effort to worry about quality over quick profits.

Then Steve took questions from the crowd, which was pretty cool. He answered questions on the iPod, the iTunes Store, his role as board member and largest share-holder, and other sundry topics. His answer to every one was enthralling. To me, anyway.

Of all the people in the world, Steve Jobs is not only the one guy I have always wanted to see live, but he’s the one guy I never thought I would see live. I did get to sit in on a video conference years ago when the DVD release of Monsters, Inc. was being discussed here at Disney… it was the meeting where it was decided to produce a new short exclusively for the DVD (Mike’s New Car). But a video conference is not the same as seeing someone on stage in front of you. I was contained on the outside, but revving on the inside the entire time he was on stage.

Disney 10-Year Pin

Next Tuesday will be my 10th anniversary here at Disney. As an employee. In actual fact, October 27th (I believe that’s the day) will mark my 12th anniversary here. But those first 2 years, I was temping. Disney doesn’t count that.

I’m sure I’ll have more to say on this when I get my plaque. Yes, not only do I get the snazzy name-badge pin seen above, which I snagged because I just saw it sitting there in my boss’ office, but I get a plaque. That’s still in my boss’ office, since he’s supposed to present it to me at an off-site location event. Yes, those are the rules! He can’t just throw it at me as we’re passing in the hallway. He said the instructions were clear: Off-site! Like a dinner out. Or something. I vote for bowling. Or at least some Ski-Ball.

I think Disney must be one of the only companies left that at least makes some materialistic token effort to award long service. My boss, for instance, just got his 15-year Sorcerer Mickey statue. Yes, statue. It’s a 10½-inch-tall, heavy, metal-and-wood thing. Pretty nice.

Being here so long has me thinking many, many things. So expect a post on that next week.

I am going to do something I’ve never done before. I’m going to buy stock!

Okay, so I’ve been buying stock every week since being an employee here, but it’s all been automatic, out of my paycheck, and always Disney. Today, I clicked the “SELL” button, and when I get the check, it’s going into… yes, Apple stock.

Why? Am I crazy? Am I mad?

No. Apple stock has gone down lately to the target price I set for myself. But apple will be announcing cool stuff in the next several months (replacements for the G5, a movie store online, a new, better video iPod), and the price will at some point inch its way back up. Eventually. I’m not looking for a quick buck, by any means. I’m simply wanting to, er, “diversify” and “expand my holdings.” Or something.

Maybe I should set aside some of my stock money to buy myself a top hat and a monocle as befits my new status as a captain of industry.

As I have mentioned, I’ve been a bit too busy to properly post as of late. Yes, it’s “the plays.” What plays? Well, if you want to come see them, we open this weekend. Then you will know what plays. The info is below. I am in the first two, but not in the kids’ show. However, the kids’ show is right before my shows each week, and it sounds like it should be pretty good. So come out earlier and see it.

THE MADWOMAN OF CHAILLOT (FREE!)
Sunday, July 16, 23, and 30
Saturday, August 5, 12, and 19
2:00pm

THIEVES’ CARNIVAL (FREE!)
Saturday, July 15, 22, 29
Sunday, August 6, 13, 20
2:00pm

Kids’ Show: The Poet Who Wouldn’t Be King (also FREE!)
Saturdays and Sundays, July 15-August 20
12:00noon

All plays at Dr. Paul Carlson Memorial Park for FREE
Park is at Braddock Dr. and Motor Ave., south of Culver Blvd. and east of Overland Ave.
Just south of Sony Pictures Studios
Google Map Link (FREE)

Bring a blanket or some chairs, as well as some food to munch on (though there is a concession stand).

* * * * * *

I used to do work typesetting books for a publisher in Boston. That skill has come in handy quite often. I use it in my current job to make the text in presentations look good. I used it to create the program for the above-mentioned plays. And I used it to typeset both Sven’s novel and, most recently, my college friend Matt’s scholarly book.

I haven’t seen Matt’s book yet, but I decided to look for it on Amazon, and there it was. Then, while typing this, I wanted to see if Sven’s book is still on Amazon, and, lo and behold, it is. The typesetting for Matt’s book had to follow very specific style guidelines, so while I am proud of that work, it’s very, very dull to look at. Sven’s book, on the other hand, I am incredibly proud of. I think I did a bang-up job on the look and style of the typesetting.

Sometimes, tooting your own horn feels awfully nice.

* * * * * *

While doing the Amazon research above, I somehow mistyped “amazon” in my Safari address bar, and up popped this funny site: Wealthy Men. And I don’t mean funny ha-ha so much as funny what-the-hell?

Wealthy Men is a dating site for people who simply must have a significant other who makes over $100,000 a year. The site has a “Wealthy Men Verification System” to make sure the job, income, and pictures of each member are accurate. My first look around the site gave me the impression it was for straight guys and straight chicks with lesbian tendencies.

Yes, truly rich men aren’t gay, but truly rich men love it when truly rich women get it on together. Or something. It all made me want to reach for a Moon Pie. (Rich people don’t eat Moon Pies.)

Well, I could not let caste keep me from exploring this more, so I created a profile, lying that I make $100,000–$500,000 per year. (Why didn’t I lie big and say $2M+ per year? Because I do not think big. That’s why I’m a mere plebe.) Once in, I discovered you can put yourself down as straight, gay, or bi. What’s hilarious (and I don’t mean hilarious guffaw-guffaw so much as hilarious not-at-all) is that you can not do a search by sexual preference. Which, to me, is useless. I already fall for the straight guys as it is. I don’t need a bunch of rich straight guys messing with my head!

Aside from all that, it’s nothing out of the ordinary. Guess rich people don’t know how to write engaging profiles, either.

* * * * * *

While I was not a huge fan of Superman Returns, I was very pleased that they used the John Williams themes from the 1978 movie. I have been listening to that original soundtrack, enjoying how complicated but accessible but clever but awesome it is. Sadly, the CD I have was released back in the day when record companies were so cheap (glad to see that’s improved so much, guys!), that formerly double-record soundtrack albums, once brought to CD, were slashed down to fit on a single disc. For years, I never bought the Empire Strikes Back soundtrack on CD because it was missing a lot of music that I used to have on my album. That error was remedied a long time ago (and multiple times, I might add).

The soundtrack for Superman was always the same way. I put off buying the CD version for years because it had been cut way back. Finally, I broke down and bought it so I could at least listen to some of it.

Amazon to the rescue again! Yes, it seems a two-disc CD of the full soundtrack came out a while ago. The slightly flat, tape-hiss-laden version I’ve been listening to on my iPod is out of date; thankfully, the new one has been re-mastered and contains more music than even my double-album set from ’78. Hooray!

I am not going to buy it on Amazon, though. It’s $44. Gulp. I’ll wait ’til I get more credit at Amoeba. Amoeba to the rescue again!

* * * * * *

I really have to go to the bathroom. Thankfully, that will end this useless post.

* * * * * *

Yes, I’m back. And no, I haven’t gone to the bathroom yet. This was simply too odd to not include. It is both funny ha-ha and funny strange:

There are more of these on YouTube, but I haven’t watched any more yet. I simply had to put this up ASAP so I could go to the bathroom.

As I go through life, creating less and less and merely existing more and more, I stumble upon things I wrote anywhere from one to twenty years ago, and I always get this feeling that I am, somehow, merely existing more and more and creating less and less. It’s a crushing feeling. Until I remember that I have The Wren Forum, and the The Wren Forum is full of genius! (This is a form of faux flattery that gets me through the long, sunny California days.)

Exhibit A: A story I wrote on a whim in 1994, just a few months after I moved to L.A. and, by happenstance, also began working at Disney as the receptionist for BVHE IS, which was at the time situated in a warehouse in Glendale. I literally had nothing to do all day. Even when I had something to do, I still had to pretend I had something to do. As you’ll see.

I imagine this story is somewhere in the three-ring binder I created for all my new Disney friends sometime in 1996, collecting the best of our stories and e-mails from our two-year romp through the IS department. (Damn, we ranthat place!) I called the binder tome In the Company of Geeks, and it sits like a treasure in my still-doorless, drawerless buffet.

Here’s the story and its e-mail wrappings in their original glory. I only had a desire to change one tiny thing, but I didn’t. No, it’s not the misspelling of Lamborghini. A shiny new penny to the first person who can guess what it is I would have changed.

* * * * * * * *

Author: Steve Lekowicz at HVFS3
Date: 12/13/94 11:15 AM
Priority: Normal
TO: Carol Cichon
TO: Michelle Ferrara
TO: SANDRA KELLY
TO: Steve Rowley
Subject: A Clandestine Bamboozle
——————————- Message Contents ——————————-
The reason I’m typing this is because there are some people here waiting for
Lloyd, and I have to look busy. So let me tell you a little story…

There was a woman named Horace who, though her name was atrocious, was as
beautiful as her father was ugly. Her ugly father, Grant, was a collector of
rare promotional items, like Coca-Cola dim sum organizers and Filter Fresh
T-shirts.

One day, Grant decided to take a long journey in search of The Gilded Beer
Huggy, a very rare item originally given out by MCI to its satisfied customers.
(It was rumored that there was only one Gilded Beer Huggy in existence.) So
Grant set off, leaving Horace behind to watch over the condo.

Horace found her freedom to be delightful, and day after day, she pranced about
the condo in her bare feet, humming lightly-tuned Kenny G songs to herself and
eating Snack Wells fat-free Cream Cheese Delights.

In her third week of solitude, however, she became moribund. She lacked her
previous verve and delight in life. So she set off for the Alpha-Beta to find
adventure. There, in the snack foods aisle, she saw the most handsome man ever.
He turned and saw her. He held a box of Snack Wells reduced-fat Fudge Blops.
Their eyes connected (Horace’s and the man’s, not Horace’s and the Blops’.)

After a brief affair in the bulk foods section, Horace decided to run away with
Linda (for that was the man’s name) and live forever with him in his
rent-controlled bungalow in the Sierra Madres. Just as the two were leaving the
Alpha-Beta, however, a small, pitiful cry rang out from a dark, poorly lit
aisle. Horace was beckoned by name into the dimness, where she found herself
surrounded by Hostess baked goods and Simply Fruit multi-packs. She leaned over
the dark figure calling her name… it was her father, Grant, who had become
stuck in a mass of eucalyptus honey from a broken jar he’d knocked off the shelf
in his quest for the Gilded Beer Huggy.

Horace was torn. She so wished to help her father from the mass and tend to him
in his older years, but she equally wished to run away with the handsome Linda.
Her mind tossed like a salad with Bac-Os and those quaintly-sized Pepperidge
Farm seasoned croutons.

With blind confusion, she dashed to the back of the store. There, she met an old
woman who was gently fondling a package of bratwurst, and the woman said to her,
“Young lady, heed my advice. Care for your father, for it was he who gave you
life.” Just then, the voice of an equally old woman (thumping an olive loaf to
test for ripeness) said, “Follow your heart, dearie, for it will wither if you
do not.” The two old women glared at each other, then leapt upon one another in
a vicious fight. Horace could only watch in horror as the two old ladies
battered each other to death with meat products and newspaper coupons and,
inexplicably, court summons.

As Horace left the carnage behind her, a light dawned upon her. The light was
from the Store Directory, whose fluorescent light was on the fritz. As the
Directory flashed and buzzed, one thing on the list drew her attention the most:
FEMININE NEEDS.

With that revelation, Horace left the damn Alpha-Beta, her ugly father Grant and
the inaptly-named Linda, and bought a Lambourghini, in which she rode out the
rest of her happy years.

THE END

* * * * * * * * *

Well, those people have come and gone, but at least my story is done.

–Steve

* * * * * * * *

WELCOME BACK TO 2006. I see I still use rows of asterisks to separate text ideas. And it turns out I want to change one more tiny little thing. But not here. Oh, no. Here, the story remains pure. But a shiny new nickel to anyone who guesses the second change.

I just got done telling a very cool and nice person with whom I work that we have chosen to not hire him for our open editor position here. It was hard to do! I can’t tell if handled it well, or with fumbling awkwardness.

I have never had to go through a true employment interview process on this side of the desk. Last time we hired an editor, Lauren, she was pretty much the only candidate. This time, we had four candidates, three of which were very qualified and would have been good for us.

We ended up hiring someone who was less experienced, partially because of salary and partly for creative reasons. My current co-worker is a very smart, very technologically astute fellow, and it’s always a pleasure to work with him. I would love to have him here permanently! With multiple qualified candidates, however, all kinds of details come into play—political, economic, personal—and you simply make the best decision you can.

My boss and the other director here are both out, so it was up to me to dole out the bad news. The second rejection I have to deliver should be easier, as we are rejecting him based solely on his asking price. We can not afford him. That’s an easy out.

But it’s much harder to tell someone you like that you have to pass. Ouchie. This makes me feel way too grown up.

Permalink Comments Off on A Real Blu DayComments Off on A Real Blu Day By

All right, you gadget nerds and geeks! Here it is, a real Blu-ray player! Okay, it’s still a prototype, but compared to the other Blu-ray “players” we’ve used, this one actually plays the video off a Blu-ray disc and not a hidden hard drive.

The unit was incredibly buggy, but it worked enough for us to use it in our sales meeting last week. The image was blown up to the huge movie screen at the El Capitan theatre, and it looks astounding. The monitor you see there is a newly-released Panasonic professional HD LCD monitor. It is a gorgeous monitor! We bought four of them for use here at work.

Okay, have at it. The pics are clickabe so you can see larger, more drool-worthy pictures.

Blu-ray Player with Demo Disc Menu

Bl-ray Player with BD-RE Disc

Blu-ray Player Chicken Little CU

Blu-ray Player Angled

This gives new definition to the term “jaw-dropping.”  I defy anyone to read this and not be astounded.

It seems we are so close to buying Pixar we can smell it. I am at once excited and wary. Pixar has been the only one making guaranteed animated hits for us lately. The reason their movies are hits is because they care about story and character and concentrate on the elements a company like, oh, say, Disney, easily lets fall by the wayside in order to make money.

Okay, that’s a bit harsh. I think we’ve done some good animated films that have not been hits. Treasure Planet was a very good movie, beautiful, engaging, fun… but a flop. Yet I know for a fact that those in charge at Disney often make suspect creative choices either because they need to relieve the pressure to make money or because they are idiots who have no clue what good product is. Or both.

So I am excited that Pixar is now going to be part of the company I work for, but also wary that, by losing their independence, they’ll succumb the the Hollywood Crap Disease from which most product made here suffers.

UPDATE: After digesting this entire deal, I am very excited. In fact, there’s a must-read article at Business Week with in-depth discussion of Steve Jobs at Disney. This article got me even more excited than I had been. All us Apple wonks are biding our time, barely able to contain ourselves as we wait for Apple to release whatever it’s gonna release for a media-convergence machine. (I’m also waiting for Apple’s cell phone strategies to make my life better than this Cingular hell I am living in now, but that’s another story. Actually, no it isn’t…)

The best computer maker combined with Walt Disney… My God, the possibilities are enormous(e)! (Sorry. I couldn’t stop myself.)

Hopefully we won’t get into the Sony quagmire, though, where the consumer electronics arm is constantly battling the entertainment arm over the future of digital fun.

It’s too late. Jeff is in L.A. I’m at home with the dogs. They need baths.

I need to be up in the morning far too early because a rock hit my windshield and caused a crack, and because my insurance deductible is $500 I have to pay it out of pocket.

It’s been a while since I wrote on here. So I’ll launch the new year (plus 11 days) with some random stuff:

* Why did I not think Brokeback Mountain was “all that,” though I admit it was pretty good.

* I found out over the holidays that a friend of mine is HIV-positive. It’s amazing how people can give up on life thanks to a basically invisible virus.

* The dogs smell and need baths.

* We’re moving. We sold the house, I made a pretty substantial profit, and we’re going to become renters for a while.

* I don’t like moving.

* Oddity: I dislike avocados intensely but discovered something I had forgotten about myself: I like guacamole.

* The Chronicles of Narnia was much better than it had any right to be.

* King Kong proves that money does not equal quality.

* I have dry skin and it itches.

* The dogs smell and need baths.

* Buying on the Internet is way too much fun.

* I’ve learned in the past week that managing other people is a very different task than managing your own damned self.

* Steve may be the only other person I know who likes Monopoly; I always imagined I was alone.

* The more money you have, the faster it goes.

* The dogs smell and need baths.

Good night.

My trip home has been delayed by a happy coincidence: The huge Consumer Electronics Show is happening in Vegas starting tomorrow, and as I was already driving through and Marcy is here with a room with two beds and Disney is being too cheap this year to send me (well, they’ve never sent me, but that’s no excuse), I am crashing. Yes, I’m crashing CES. Should be fun.

But I am so tired. I’ve had no sleep on this trip, and now I get to walk around the biggest trade show in the universe (no, really) trying to have the energy to do so with perk and vim.

So why am I not sleeping? Because I have two pictures to post, and because Sven is here, too, and I’m gonna go meet him for dinner. Cashews, Grape Nuts, and Swedish Fish have been my sole source of sustenance today, so I get to go out for a meal on Disney (or Fox).

Here’s only one view from the spectacular drive through Utah today:

Somewhere in Utah

Okay, not a terribly spectacular pic, but I loved the cloud patterns. Trust me, it was much more beautiful in person. Yes, the pic was taken going 80mph on I-15 with my real phone. And everyone told me to drive safely. Oops! At least I wasn’t holding the camera out my sun roof. Now that would have been dangerous!

Marcy’s is staying at The Four Seasons in Vegas, so I, by proxy, am doing so as well. Here’s what the view from our 36th floor room looks like. That tower is THEhotel (don’t get me started on the stupid capitalization issues), which happens to be the hotel Carol, Steve, Marcy and I stayed at when we came out to Vegas several months ago.

A Big, Fat View

So far, The Four Seasons is a very nice hotel (duh), and I’m sure they wondered why this scruffy guy in jeans and a dented Civic was checking in.

Because I’m MONEY, baby, that’s why!

Being worn out from the day, I fell asleep by 8:30pm, while screening a work-related DVD on my computer, and with my desk lamp on and bedroom door wide-open exposing my fully lit closing scene – Me in bed, cuddled with my blankets, still in my work clothes, exhausted. At one point, perhaps around 11ish, I woke up briefly and thought to myself, I should get up, turn things off, wash up and get undressed but instead I drifted right back to my dream…

Rooftops

… I was jumping from roofhouse tops to roofhouse tops (Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon indeed) trying to find my way back home. I say trying because it was quite dark and I wasn’t quite used to the bird’s eye view yet so my path was unsure. Still, with no time to loose, I swiftly moved forward – with the belief that your destination unfolds itself when moving about rather than standing still. With loose debree crashing to the ground and dogs barking in the night, I finally made my way back to my room. Sensing that I might have an audience still, I immediately jumped into bed, not wanting anyone to notice just how hard I’ve tried in getting there. But at the same time, since I didn’t want people to NOT notice me, I deliberately left the lights on. As I waited and waited for someone to visit, I began getting frustrated at my dilemma. How do I let people know that I’m home without announcing it like the needy kid that I am.

Just then, I heard someone approach. I turned over. It was my mother… and as she has said many times before in my youth, she sternly but compassionately ordered, “Go to sleep. It’s late. I’m gonna turn off your lights and your computer for you.”

With that I woke up to see that indeed, my computer was still running, my lights still on, and it was now 1:30am. Half expecting my mother as well, I was dissappointed to realize that she was back home on the east coast and nowhere near to urge me to get proper rest.

And so I’m up now… wondering about my next move.

For life unfolds when you are moving about, not when standing still.

One of the work projects that was keeping me too busy to post much of anything—at least, before I took the hour to carefully construct a self evaluation—was designing our company’s holiday e-card. The quote from the usual team who designs and posts these cards was exorbitant, and I was tapped to do it on the cheap.

To me, “on the cheap” does not mean “crappy,” so I spent days working on the graphic for the e-card. I chose to use the teaser key art from Narnia, since that was gonna be our big holiday release.

Below is the original key art, with my finished design next to it (or under it if your browser window is too small (that’s not in any way passive–aggressive, is it?)). You can click on each to see a bigger version.

The Original ArtMy Holiday Card

To do what I wanted on the card, I needed to learn some stuff. The Photoshop work was the easiest: removing the dark castle and lightening the sky and enhancing the glow from the sun. The thing I was not sure how to do was create and add the 3D version of our logo castle. So I tinkered with an inexpensive 3D program called Carrara 3D Basics 2 (version 4.1.2… Huh?). I discovered its infuriating limitations and bugs, but got a nice-looking ice castle out of the thing. For the Happy Holidays text, though, Carrara’s bugs could not be overcome, and I had to rely on an After Effects plug-in called Zaxwerks Invigorator Pro. Invigorator creates some great-looking stuff, but its interface is tedious to use.

After a week, I had a good graphic that I was mostly proud of. The next step was figuring out how to serve the graphic via an online interface, where BVHE employees could go to enter e-mail addresses and greeting text and have that all combined together with the graphic and mailed to the recipients. This took another week, not because the coding was hard to do, but for many other reasons that I won’t get into. Though I usually like to dwell on such details, that’s not the point of this whole post. The point is, after figuring everything out and having a nice graphic to use, the project was canceled.

Yup. All that work, and no go. It seems that the point was made, that it could be done on the cheap without spending $10,000. Oops. Did I reveal that amount? Oh, well. Bad me. We would have spent under $2,000 had we completed the project. And the parts of that that did not include hiring our own vendor to program the PHP e-mailing code are going to be useful for other projects in the future.

One gets used to that kind of waste of effort in this business. What actually bothered me most is that no one would get to see my graphic. Which is really the reason for this post. So I can show off my work. I added all this text so my selfish puffery could be swathed in an illusion of legitimacy!

Today was the due date for self evaluations at work. Of course, I didn’t start mine until about 11:00.

It being a corporate document, the self evaluation form this year was, to put it mildly, a screaming hoot. I do not know why the corporate world needs its own language when the words that normal people use would work just fine. The language was so inspiringly ridiculous that I decided to answer using the most obtuse sentence structure possible, sprinkling in plenty of my own made-up words to spice things up.

I just turned this form in, with a gentle warning to my boss regarding its contents. The self-criticisms are legitimate, but they will take some concentration to decipher. Our evaluation meeting in January (or is it April?) will be a true event.

Here, now, for you, today, is the first section of my self evaluation and the corporate speak that egged me on. The first 2 lines are the title of the section and its description. Following that are selected “behaviors for the position,” where I had to put Xs if they were relevant to my position. (I chose to comment on truly amusing phrases.) My own comments follow that.

* * * * * *

THINKS STRATEGICALLY
Develops a game plan for success

X Envisions an inspiring future direction
X Develops clear and consistent strategies to achieve the vision
_ Leverages synergy opportunities across functions and businesses
X Makes sound business decisions that balance competing priorities
X Examines issues from a broad perspective, considering impact beyond immediate scope
_ Identifies key business opportunities and challenges
X Uses knowledge of the company’s products and services to meet customer needs and financial targets
X Stays current on business issues, industry trends, and technological advances

COMMENTS: My job is less about finding and developing new strategies and more about handling current strategies or facilitating necessary changeal modal morphic parameters to strategy stratagems. I stay very current on trends relevant to our departmental business proclivities. I sometimes push to envelope-stretch our current operational functionalities, but tend to back away from unpositive responsal results. Sometimes I do not give credence to impact which is antithetical in nature to the desired end result prepondered in my cranial lobes.

* * * * * *

BUILDS RELATIONSHIPS
Cultivate relationships to advance business goals

X Establishes critical external alliances
X Engages colleagues across the Enterprise to optimize performance
? VAGUE Manages the needs of diverse stakeholders
X Facilitates win-win situations
X Resolves conflicts effectively
X Interacts well with people who have different backgrounds and work styles

COMMENTS: I do not generally establish critical external alliances, except with Switzerland and Iceland. I don’t often deal with external resources unless a relationshipal relationship has been previously established. I am good with establishing modual communications in project packet units with pre-established external homo sapiens, and often communicate well, like I’m doing now. I do often get fed-up with humanoid resources who might impede a precognitively defined standard of interface and common sense, but feel I have made improvement in handling such individuals with a more tolerant manner. Sometimes. But not always.

* * * * * *

COMMUNICATES EFFECTIVELY
Inspires, influences and informs others

X Obtains full engagement through inspiring communications
? VAGUE Provides appropriate rationale and context to drive commitment
X Effectively persuades others to support ideas and plans
X Tailors messages appropriately to the audience
X Invites diverse points of view
X Listens and asks questions to ensure understanding
X Conveys relevant information in a candid and timely manner

COMMENTS: I enjoy inspiring communications because communications are easy to inspire (I blame gullibility). I believe communicational qualities within the context of my own selfal beingness are good, and the above articles of critique (aside from the poorly-worded, obscurely syntaxed, vague references) well describe one of the more salient qualities one (being me) would ascribe to the same one (being me). I listen and communicate good.

* * * * * *

DRIVES RESULTS
Delivers timely, high quality work that adds value

X Translates strategy into specific priorities, objectives and action plans
? POORLY WORDED Develops appropriate metrics to assess business performance
X Manages projects, processes and resources to produce desired outcomes
X Holds self and others accountable to high performance standards
X Achieves high levels of customer satisfaction
X Analyzes problems effectively and takes action to resolve
X Uses technology to facilitate better results
X Keeps commitments

COMMENTS: We do not use metrics in the U.S., but imperial units. While I hold myself and others outside of my bodily and spiritual real estate to high standards and try to communicate those standards to those who are not me, I sometimes concentrate too much on those standards, and strategical timelines can become compromised. I keep to my commitments and use technology well. Often the spatial time sequence definition of processes can become poorly executed by he who is myself. I still suffer from the corporate bane of negative anticrastination, and sometimes feel the inspiration module of the process acceptance section of the corporeal me is lacking in oomph.

* * * * * *

INSPIRES CREATIVITY AND INNOVATION
Generates breakthrough ideas to improve performance

X Creates an environment that encourages creative thinking and supports risk taking
X Proactively looks for new opportunities
X Takes risks and manages them intelligently
X Facilitates the exchange of ideas and creation of new ones
? DEFINE TERMS Transfers ideas and successes across boundaries
X Challenges the status quo
X Conceives creative ideas to solve problems or meet objectives

COMMENTS: While successful in the execution of status quo challenging (see current document) and activation of creational motivations for execution of staid processes and their variables, the selfsame moi would be hard-pressed to agree that the me of myself regarding the practice of risk taking and opportunity creation proactivation is good. I feel with much sometimesness that a creativity emphasis is often sacrificed by typical corporate mundanaety, and do not therefore engage the upoffthetuckus activation engines to propel the mespace into action to explore new and bountiful means of process acquisition and execution. I get lazy.

* * * * * *

CHAMPIONS CHANGE
Advances new initiatives that align with business strategy

X Articulates a compelling business case for change
X Leads the change effort from inception to the attainment of desired results
X Builds commitment to change
X Coaches others through change
X Supports new initiatives
X Demonstrates flexibility in response to changes
X Remains productive despite uncertainty

COMMENTS: Champions DO change. Look at Pete Rose! As there often is not a compelling need for change in business apparent in the mindset of the business itself, I (who is me) tend to offer notions of change without articulating a compelling business motivation. The me who is I is at once a benefactor of change and an opponent to change. The conceptual definers of specific modes of change are the defining parameters for my agreeance or exclusance. I resist some change, but push for others. My yogaic flexibility vis-à-vis change is similarly motivated. Sadly, I can become unproductive when change is uncertain, or if the definition of the parameters of the change and, therefore, the operational activities defined by the parameters of the definition of the change (and such) produce inconclusive sureness.

* * * * * *

BUILDS TEAMS
Aligns people to a shared purpose

X Provides appropriate direction, resources and environment needed for success
_ Proactively recruits, retains and develops a diverse range of talented people
_ Provides challenging work assignments and developmental opportunities
X Addresses performance issues and takes appropriate action
X Recognizes and rewards the achievements of others
X Strengthens others through mentoring and feedback
X Supports productivity and morale of the team

COMMENTS: Subject of current evaluation needs to accomplish more in the way of motivation, support, and rewarding of other corporately-employed human beings. Decisions pursuant to the completion of the processes of the functions of the business of the Enterprise upon which the responsibilities of me take their rest less with others, yet should perhaps more often do so. The earthly reflection of the currently speaking self (me) would do better to provide positive feedback to those with whom I often also provide critical assessment. Leadership of persons outside of myself could be enhanced. I do take it upon the me to address certain issues of detriment in procedural procedures, and also provide a support of the general morale (especially during escapist extra-office adventures) utilizing humor and wit. Though sometimes it’s not funny.

* * * * * *

EXHIBITS PROFESSIONAL EXCELLENCE
Acts as a role model for others

X Pursues excellence with integrity, passion and courage
X Sets a good example for others
X Shows consistency in words and actions
X Learns from personal and organizational experiences
X Strives for self-improvement
X Maintains composure under pressure
X Earns the trust and respect of colleagues, partners and customers
X Treats others with respect

COMMENTS: Through a general disregard for the institutions of corporate practice, I at once simultaneously earn the respect and trust of resources who are not me and also fail to set a good example for same. Striving to keep the sanctity of the individuality of the oneself of meness can conflict with the decorum and expectations of the tried, true, but hubritical corporate structure. This can at times create detriment in the form of new pages in my employee file, but can at times be refreshing and caffeine-free for others. The motivation to improve and seek inwardly the evolution of skillsets and energies is likewise both successful and neglectful of success.

It seems my job has been the source of 90% of my anxieties for the past year. (The other 10% are caused by imagined physical ailments, sexual tension and concern that we have not seen Vicky from The Love Boat in far too many years.)

Three weeks ago to this very day, I received a completely unexpected phone call from a professional acquaintance who offered me a job. He did not say, “I am interested in getting you down here,” or even, “Would you be interested in talking with us?” He said, “I want you to work for me, and I want to pay you (this much). Yes or no?” Of course, the answer was not that easy, and a great deal of time in the past three weeks has been spent hearing the offer, negotiating terms for possible acceptance, and contemplating the prospects. It was a very good deal. Today, I turned it down.

My current employer has also offered me more money — replete with more responsibility — to stay here. Meanwhile, there is a third prospect that remains active, but which shall not yet be discussed here.

I have never in my life been in a position where I was being sought for a job rather than seeking one, or in the position to request considerations from my current employer. It’s unusual. It’s not as pleasant an experience as I would have imagined. When you are in one job and actively apply for another, you hope you will be chosen, but since your employer does not know what is happening, if things don’t pan out you can remain gladly in your present capacity. In my situation, everything (well, almost everything) has been done in transparency with my employer. They know there are other offers. They know I have choices. The other would-be employers know I’m in a good situation here. Essentially, I’ve found people fighting over me, and I always imagined that must be a wonderfully flattering thing to have happen.

It’s the biggest stress-inducer I’ve ever experienced.

Aside from tripping in Spanish class in 10th grade and having to endure taunts for the rest of my days in that class. Which is why I ditched it so frequently.

John the Apprentice

So, here’s one of the many reasons I haven’t had much time to post things lately.

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Last one.

Thanks to budget cuts, we had almost nothing interesting at this meeting. Except this guy.

It’s Roger Corman! Don’t know him? IMDB him, and you’ll learn. He’s definitely filmdom’s mosat prolific B-movie auteur.

BVHE has acquired the rights to most of his library, so he came to chat. Even at 79, he’s charming and funny.

(Don’t click this one. It’s full size.)

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Number two:

About a year ago, I came up with a shirt idea during a sales meeting planning meeting. Finally, we did it! Jackie got the shirts made for the crew and we all wore them on Monday. It was a fun statement about our lives during these shows.

(Yes, they say “Subject to Change.” I did the logo myself. I’m so proud!)

In the pic are Richard, Ben the amazing IT guy, and, in the dumb-ass cop glasses, Chuckles McBangbang, who (whom?) you may recognize from France LIVE!

Click on the pic to see it a bit larger.

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A quick, late-night update… (Yes, it’s after 5:00am and I’m still working, though this is the end. After this, I go to bed.)

Pictures!

I took Richard’s place piloting the sales meeting on Tuesday. He’s more a project manager on this show.

Here’s my station. 2 G5s, a Folsom switcher set-up, a gazillion LCD monitors…

(Click the pic to see it full size.)

In late May, just after I got back from the premieres, Showtime called me to say they had received a resume I had submitted via Showbizjobs.com and they would like to talk to me further. After a brief phone interview, I was asked if I could come down to L.A. to meet with them. We settled on June 16.

I spent about three hours there meeting with the senior vp of publicity and the executive vp of corporate communications, and received nothing but great feedback. They asked me to take home a copy of the pilot for Weeds, the network’s upcoming comedy series, and write a two-page brief on publicity strategies for it. At that point, I was told that I would probably not hear back from them for a couple of weeks as the exec vp was heading to Europe for vacation.

I submitted the brief the next day, and received a quick e-mail back from only the exec vp saying he was impressed with what I had done. Although I sent e-mails thanking the HR manager and the senior vp (who would be my boss), I heard nothing from them. (And lest you possibly think that doing the “thank yous” by e-mail could have been problematic, Emily Post says it’s appropriate now, as long as it’s followed up with a “real” note — which I did.)

On July 9, I heard from the HR manager that “you are the top candidate for the position,” and that as a formality they wondered if I might be able to come back down again. At that point, we discussed salary issues (which got a little contentious, as the initial comment on salary was that it would be just about 5% higher than I’m making now); my new position at Lucasfilm and the implications of that; and relocation issues, albeit very broadly. I was also asked to send references and to consent to a background check, both of which tend to be steps taken only when an offer is imminent.

Two days later, she called again to say that they were “really pleased” I would be coming back down, and to set a date for that. I went back down on July 21, and this time met with the vp of HR, the other publicist in the department, and the two execs again. I was also asked to do another writing project, this one involving watching the pilot of Barbershop and writing a pitch letter to the media. All told, I was at Showtime for 5 1/2 hours, and received nothing but great compliments and praise. When I asked about the other candidates they were talking to, I was told, “They’re fine, but they’re not like you.” There was some concern raised about my lack of television experience, but I was told that, “If you are who you say you are and you are as sharp as you seem, you’ll have no problem.” The last words I heard: “We’ll be calling you very, very soon.” (Emphasis theirs, not mine.)

I had woken up at 4:30 a.m. to get to the airport and to L.A. in time, and didn’t get back home until after 10 p.m. Nevertheless, the first thing I did was head to the computer and wrote thank-yous to everyone, expressing how impressed I was with the people I had met, how excited I was about the prospect, etc.

Since then, I have heard ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not a single one of them even hit “reply” to write, “Thank you and we’ll talk soon.” I am waiting for two checks of more than $200 each as reimbursement for my transportation costs (they offered), and they won’t even get back to me on that. It’s like going on a date you think went really well, except you never hear from him again.

I thought seriously about writing them to say, “What’s the scoop?” But at this point, their behavior has so thoroughly turned me off of them that unless there is a very good reason for the lack of communication, I am not remotely interested in working for them anymore. I was angry for a while, now I’m just amused by the whole thing. I forgot how “Hollywood” L.A. can be sometimes — “Don’t call us, we’ll call you.”

I’ve gone out for jobs I wanted before and didn’t get. But I’ve never had someone court me aggressively, only to never talk to me again! Weird.