Today was the due date for self evaluations at work. Of course, I didn’t start mine until about 11:00.
It being a corporate document, the self evaluation form this year was, to put it mildly, a screaming hoot. I do not know why the corporate world needs its own language when the words that normal people use would work just fine. The language was so inspiringly ridiculous that I decided to answer using the most obtuse sentence structure possible, sprinkling in plenty of my own made-up words to spice things up.
I just turned this form in, with a gentle warning to my boss regarding its contents. The self-criticisms are legitimate, but they will take some concentration to decipher. Our evaluation meeting in January (or is it April?) will be a true event.
Here, now, for you, today, is the first section of my self evaluation and the corporate speak that egged me on. The first 2 lines are the title of the section and its description. Following that are selected “behaviors for the position,” where I had to put Xs if they were relevant to my position. (I chose to comment on truly amusing phrases.) My own comments follow that.
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THINKS STRATEGICALLY
Develops a game plan for success
X Envisions an inspiring future direction
X Develops clear and consistent strategies to achieve the vision
_ Leverages synergy opportunities across functions and businesses
X Makes sound business decisions that balance competing priorities
X Examines issues from a broad perspective, considering impact beyond immediate scope
_ Identifies key business opportunities and challenges
X Uses knowledge of the company’s products and services to meet customer needs and financial targets
X Stays current on business issues, industry trends, and technological advances
COMMENTS: My job is less about finding and developing new strategies and more about handling current strategies or facilitating necessary changeal modal morphic parameters to strategy stratagems. I stay very current on trends relevant to our departmental business proclivities. I sometimes push to envelope-stretch our current operational functionalities, but tend to back away from unpositive responsal results. Sometimes I do not give credence to impact which is antithetical in nature to the desired end result prepondered in my cranial lobes.
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BUILDS RELATIONSHIPS
Cultivate relationships to advance business goals
X Establishes critical external alliances
X Engages colleagues across the Enterprise to optimize performance
? VAGUE Manages the needs of diverse stakeholders
X Facilitates win-win situations
X Resolves conflicts effectively
X Interacts well with people who have different backgrounds and work styles
COMMENTS: I do not generally establish critical external alliances, except with Switzerland and Iceland. I don’t often deal with external resources unless a relationshipal relationship has been previously established. I am good with establishing modual communications in project packet units with pre-established external homo sapiens, and often communicate well, like I’m doing now. I do often get fed-up with humanoid resources who might impede a precognitively defined standard of interface and common sense, but feel I have made improvement in handling such individuals with a more tolerant manner. Sometimes. But not always.
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COMMUNICATES EFFECTIVELY
Inspires, influences and informs others
X Obtains full engagement through inspiring communications
? VAGUE Provides appropriate rationale and context to drive commitment
X Effectively persuades others to support ideas and plans
X Tailors messages appropriately to the audience
X Invites diverse points of view
X Listens and asks questions to ensure understanding
X Conveys relevant information in a candid and timely manner
COMMENTS: I enjoy inspiring communications because communications are easy to inspire (I blame gullibility). I believe communicational qualities within the context of my own selfal beingness are good, and the above articles of critique (aside from the poorly-worded, obscurely syntaxed, vague references) well describe one of the more salient qualities one (being me) would ascribe to the same one (being me). I listen and communicate good.
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DRIVES RESULTS
Delivers timely, high quality work that adds value
X Translates strategy into specific priorities, objectives and action plans
? POORLY WORDED Develops appropriate metrics to assess business performance
X Manages projects, processes and resources to produce desired outcomes
X Holds self and others accountable to high performance standards
X Achieves high levels of customer satisfaction
X Analyzes problems effectively and takes action to resolve
X Uses technology to facilitate better results
X Keeps commitments
COMMENTS: We do not use metrics in the U.S., but imperial units. While I hold myself and others outside of my bodily and spiritual real estate to high standards and try to communicate those standards to those who are not me, I sometimes concentrate too much on those standards, and strategical timelines can become compromised. I keep to my commitments and use technology well. Often the spatial time sequence definition of processes can become poorly executed by he who is myself. I still suffer from the corporate bane of negative anticrastination, and sometimes feel the inspiration module of the process acceptance section of the corporeal me is lacking in oomph.
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INSPIRES CREATIVITY AND INNOVATION
Generates breakthrough ideas to improve performance
X Creates an environment that encourages creative thinking and supports risk taking
X Proactively looks for new opportunities
X Takes risks and manages them intelligently
X Facilitates the exchange of ideas and creation of new ones
? DEFINE TERMS Transfers ideas and successes across boundaries
X Challenges the status quo
X Conceives creative ideas to solve problems or meet objectives
COMMENTS: While successful in the execution of status quo challenging (see current document) and activation of creational motivations for execution of staid processes and their variables, the selfsame moi would be hard-pressed to agree that the me of myself regarding the practice of risk taking and opportunity creation proactivation is good. I feel with much sometimesness that a creativity emphasis is often sacrificed by typical corporate mundanaety, and do not therefore engage the upoffthetuckus activation engines to propel the mespace into action to explore new and bountiful means of process acquisition and execution. I get lazy.
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CHAMPIONS CHANGE
Advances new initiatives that align with business strategy
X Articulates a compelling business case for change
X Leads the change effort from inception to the attainment of desired results
X Builds commitment to change
X Coaches others through change
X Supports new initiatives
X Demonstrates flexibility in response to changes
X Remains productive despite uncertainty
COMMENTS: Champions DO change. Look at Pete Rose! As there often is not a compelling need for change in business apparent in the mindset of the business itself, I (who is me) tend to offer notions of change without articulating a compelling business motivation. The me who is I is at once a benefactor of change and an opponent to change. The conceptual definers of specific modes of change are the defining parameters for my agreeance or exclusance. I resist some change, but push for others. My yogaic flexibility vis-Ã -vis change is similarly motivated. Sadly, I can become unproductive when change is uncertain, or if the definition of the parameters of the change and, therefore, the operational activities defined by the parameters of the definition of the change (and such) produce inconclusive sureness.
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BUILDS TEAMS
Aligns people to a shared purpose
X Provides appropriate direction, resources and environment needed for success
_ Proactively recruits, retains and develops a diverse range of talented people
_ Provides challenging work assignments and developmental opportunities
X Addresses performance issues and takes appropriate action
X Recognizes and rewards the achievements of others
X Strengthens others through mentoring and feedback
X Supports productivity and morale of the team
COMMENTS: Subject of current evaluation needs to accomplish more in the way of motivation, support, and rewarding of other corporately-employed human beings. Decisions pursuant to the completion of the processes of the functions of the business of the Enterprise upon which the responsibilities of me take their rest less with others, yet should perhaps more often do so. The earthly reflection of the currently speaking self (me) would do better to provide positive feedback to those with whom I often also provide critical assessment. Leadership of persons outside of myself could be enhanced. I do take it upon the me to address certain issues of detriment in procedural procedures, and also provide a support of the general morale (especially during escapist extra-office adventures) utilizing humor and wit. Though sometimes it’s not funny.
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EXHIBITS PROFESSIONAL EXCELLENCE
Acts as a role model for others
X Pursues excellence with integrity, passion and courage
X Sets a good example for others
X Shows consistency in words and actions
X Learns from personal and organizational experiences
X Strives for self-improvement
X Maintains composure under pressure
X Earns the trust and respect of colleagues, partners and customers
X Treats others with respect
COMMENTS: Through a general disregard for the institutions of corporate practice, I at once simultaneously earn the respect and trust of resources who are not me and also fail to set a good example for same. Striving to keep the sanctity of the individuality of the oneself of meness can conflict with the decorum and expectations of the tried, true, but hubritical corporate structure. This can at times create detriment in the form of new pages in my employee file, but can at times be refreshing and caffeine-free for others. The motivation to improve and seek inwardly the evolution of skillsets and energies is likewise both successful and neglectful of success.